M7

Task 7


I chose to do the self compassion letter for this assignment. As I have shared before, I was an alcoholic for several years and during that time had four sons', one of which passed away of natural causes at 23 months old. The other boys are now teenagers ages 17, 15, and 14. I also now have a son who is 6 months old. Having him now in my sobriety has been quite a joyous experience. I am different in many ways then I was back then. I am sober and present for everyday of his life. I am able to nurse him instead of giving formula which is a unique bonding experience I wasn't able to have with the others. I did bond with the others even though I feed them a bottle and I am not condemning bottle feeding, which ever someone chooses is their choice for whats right for them), Its just breast feeding is something I wanted to do with the others but because I drank so much and wouldn't give it up it wasn't possible. But there are many other things that are different now. I am not concerned about myself as much as I was when I was in my twenties. I have worked through many things and have had so many experiences in my life in the past 20 years that have helped me grow into the person I am now. I think even without the addiction, having a baby at 22 is much different than having baby at 40 because your just at a different place in your life. 

Another huge difference is that my relationship with God is much different now. I understand His love and grace now in a much deeper way now than back then and I think that translate to how I love and raise all my boys. That being said, I have cried many times over the guilt and sadness I feel for not being a better mother to the other boys. I loved them deeply but I was a slave to my addiction and I wasn't able to give them my full self. For this I have many regrets. I have had much shame to let go of. I have had many times in prayer as I sit and rock baby Malachi and repent for my past actions. I have had to lay down my guilt and shame at the feet fo Jesus and remember that He has forgiven me and loves me still. 

This letter is what I usually tell myself every time the guilt and shame try to sneak back in. It happens less now. Now I just try to be the best mom I can be and spend as much time as I can with all my boys as they need it. I am present for all of them in all the different ways they need me everyday. For me, its about remembering who I am in Christ and who He is. This letter reflects what I have told myself many times over and over about many things that come up for me. Being positive for me has everything to do with Christ for without Him I am nothing😊😊💕💗




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

M2 Task - Teen brain vs. Adult brain

Image
Teen brain Vs. Adult Brain For this task I decided to do the teen brain vs. the adult brain. I have three teenage boys ages 17, 15, and 14 so this was of great interest to me and something I could readily apply the knowledge I had learned in preparation for the task. I asked my mom to be in video because we live with her and my dad so even though the teenagers are mine, she has first hand experience on a daily basis with them. The brain and how it works has always intrigued me and I have done a lot of informal learning through the years. Also, because of some the things I have been through in my life I have researched the different aspects and issues with the brain. S o this just confirms what I knew:  Teen brains ARE very different than adults brains!!!  Watch this video as I explain to my mom about the differences I learned about. https://youtu.be/hx_glXpVsWs My mom was very surprised at some of the things I shared with her. It ...
Read more

About My Interest in Psychology

There are a few branches of psychology that seems interesting to me. Research, Forensic, Biopsychology/neuropsychology, and school psychology are all branches that peak an interest for me but I feel that I am being led to is Addictions Counseling which is a substance abuse counselor for both for youth and adults. The topics that are studied within that branch relate to addiction and substance abuse including triggers, family group and individual counseling modules. They will learn how to help a person put back the pieces their life by identifying reason for abuse in the first place. It is said to be a family disease so if willing, the counselor will help the family to become unified again. There are many ways to enter this field. Some states only require a certificate to begin working in the field but it is recommended to have at least Bachelor's and these days best to have a Master's degree in the field especially to be a counselor. A Bachelors degree you can have various jo...
Read more

Personality

Image
Personality How wonderful and unique God has made each of us!!! People may look alike but can have different personalities. I have three boy all raised in the same environment, exposed to the same things, and all have very different personalities. It is what makes this world interesting. I am sure we would get very bored if we all were exactly alike another. Even as different as we are, Personality traits can all fall into some dimension and each dimension has a range of high , medium or low as to where the person can fall according to how they display the trait.  I took a personality test that was done by Myers-Briggs. They measure personality in sixteen different personality types. The questions compare whether you are introvert or extrovert, sensing or intuition, thinking or feeling, judging or perceiving. It was a series of questions, some of which I had to think about a minute because some behavior are so automatic I wasn't really sure how to answer. I noticed I h...
Read more